I worked Corporate Customer Services for years,
Endured the clients abuse, threats & tears,
But the complaints I now receive
Are overwhelmingly difficult to believe,
So let me take this time to tell,
How playcentre owners really do live in hell.
The best one yet has got to be,
When a man and his son came along for tea,
The chips he ordered, he said, were too hot,
Would burn the mouth of his little tot.
Advising him to let them cool,
He looked confused, the stupid fool.
A lady spent an hour or three,
Writing her complaint for us to see,
Advising us that ice cream was not ideal
Or suitable for children having a party meal.
A vindictive mother of a five year old child,
Made all the staff particularly wild.
Videoing her daughter as she encouraged her to leave,
Into our busy car park. It's hard to believe!
As a member of staff prevented this action,
The mother then attempted to justify her reaction.
Health & Safety, she had to inform,
That our premises are unsafe, outside the norm.
And then the true reason of her complaint became clear,
When the cheque for our services failed to clear.
Using her daughter to act as a sacrifical lamb,
To avoid paying our bill, she now has a life time ban.
The toilets smell. Well that's a nappy.
We'll empty the bin. Still not happy.
The coffees too strong or much too weak,
THere's water on the playframe, wee? or a leak?
I've stayed for my two hours and as I leave I'll complain,
It's too hot/cold,too busy. We couldn't remain.
I want a refund or a free go,
Fuck off you tightwad scrounger. No!
Your car park was full so I had to pay & display,
I want a discount, I refuse to pay.
In a world full of conflict and disasters millions suffer,
It's hard to take seriously these winging fathers & mothers.
At the end of the day, we all do our best,
Providing entertainment to give parents a rest.
These same individuals wouldn't dare to complain to the large leisure chains,
As they happily pay triple our prices. Never using their brains.
We're threatened with complaints to Health & Safety and the press,
It makes these unhappy bullies feel superiour, I guess.
Yet, seeing my once happy staff be bullied and suffer,
I really have ceased to try and bother.
After three years of insomnia and constant drama,
I'm selling up, need to regain my inner karma.
