Just speht the last four hours going through photos with Lucy (the au pair) to make a collage to brighten up my very white kitchen ....

Lots of happy family scenes, sunny holidays, first day of term, Christmas, weddings etc...the majority of events occuring during my ex hubbys constant pinging between me and his other woman,a situation I was very much aware of for many years. Yet no one would guess at the drama and heartache I was going through by looking at these photos as I tried to protect my children from our unhappiness.

It's been quite a while since I even dwelt on what may have been occuring in the background of these memories, I just saw my childrens smiling faces and ooooeeeddd and ahhed at how much they've grown and how lucky they've been with holidays abroad, days out and over indulgent birthday parties. No regrets or pain for what if's...or wishing we were still a family...

Then, I across one particular photo which floored me...my eldest daughter, just turned 3, sitting on my kitchen table, looking cute in dungarees and a sun hat, surrounded by Easter Eggs, and looking utterly miserable. And I realised that this was the second day that her Daddy hadn't been at home...and mummy couldn't tell her when he would be back....totally heartbreaking.....

A momentary flinch of pain for her sadness and confusion....

..and then...

....in a split second...

....it was gone...x