alicekate

So I'm invited along to a local jazz club by a couple of friends tonight, never been before, although heard that it was pretty good...Imagined a lot of beardy and middle aged men playing sad tunes on saxophones, going on a tad too long!

So I'm wrong..not so much jazz but Damien Rice meets Oasis, really, really good..As we walk into the bar, I see some faces I haven't seen for, god, about twenty years.. since the days of being 18 and in my local pub in the country...There's the guy who got my best friend pregnant, still with the same girlfriend/wife he was with at the time (the bugger), the eighties throw back posh bird..still with the cropped spikey hair of the Yazoo period, a few of the older rugby players, now balding or grey, and then...OMG...my ex best friend who I haven't seen for neally two years, best friend for 14 years, godmother of my dtr, keeper of all secrets...

I'm pleased to see that she looks good, happy, and settled with the man she married..and I feel a sense of closure...I do not have an overwhelming desire to make amends, to catch up, to renew the intense friendship that we enjoyed for so long, plus I feel content with who I am now, the friends I have, the life I have. Our friendship had run its course at the time, so why would it be any different now?

At the end of the evening, I leave without speaking to her, without looking at her, confident that she would never, ever approach me first (she had never done so in the past)and knowing that I've made the right decision.

Petty? Possibly...

Correct? Absolutely!!

After feeling sorry for myself for a couple of days, started to snap out of it, without the help of any happy pills from the doc...(not that I'd asked for any, or even been to see him, knew that I just needed a break)

Went to school to watch eldest play netball and had a long chat with another mum...she's always been very outspoken and direct so I was gobsmacked to hear the way she talked about her hubby...ie all men are twats, I hate my hubby, don't even fancy him anymore, but he did give me three lovely kids! Bloody hell, she'd have been better off with a sperm donor! Made me realise that I'd rather be single then make do and put up with....lifes much too short...

One of my closest friends finally completed her tandem parachute jump after waiting since December to do it...she's brilliant, she suffers from really bad epilepsy and tries not to let this rule her life, even though it restricts her in so many ways. So, she tries to find adrenaline boosting activities to make up for the fact that she can't drive, was asked to leave her old job,(she had one fit, after working there for six years) can't risk having another child and suffers from such bad dizziness that she's been accused of being drunk by a mother at school...yet she is such a great, positive person, that you can't help being happy around her...she raised £2k for the epilepsy society...an amazing achievement!!

Just got back from a lovely night with friends...very tame, just chatting but too much vodka..in a house of a friends ex hubbys who is trying to sell it for about 650k, stupid amount of money for a terraced house with no garden. Loads of stairs, average size rooms, with the only bath at basement level and the master bedroom on the fourth floor...what is it with this country and the cost of property?

What hope do the next generation have of ever being able to afford their own property? I brought my house for 65k 13 years ago, and only just affordable on the salaries that me and ex were on at the time. Its market value now is about 295k, yet, its all pointless..if I want to upgrade, I'll have to pay more...so the only winners will be the government (stamp duty) estate agents, solicitors and the banks.. And if first time buyers (as we were) tried to buy it now, they would have to be earning serious amounts of dosh or choosing a self certified mortgage, at higher interest rates, to be able to buy it.

My parents are both in their seventies and have lived in the family home for 40 odd years. They have both worked continually, and still do (to be able to afford the council tax) they have never claimed benefits, never been unemployed, never been a burden to any government and always instilled in us children, the importance of work and supporting ourselves. They have recently been discussing selling their much loved house and renting to avoid us having to pay inheritance tax or being forced to sell it to pay for nursing care in the future. Yet others, who have always relied on the state to support them, lived in council accommdation or received housing benefit, will be entitled to the same nursing home care for free.

The more this government (and I'm sure any other) continually penalise the people who work and pay their taxes by dreaming up more and more ways to tax us (improvements to your house? pay more, extra fine for motoring offences, airplane fuel tax,etc) the less likely future generations will see any benefit in working...

No more negativity....here's a list of happy things...

1) Spending all day in bed, on a work day...
2} Snuggling with my children...
3) Friends...there for all the ups and downs,
4) Being healthy with all bits in the right places!
5) Cash machine still giving me money...
6) Harry Hills TV Burps...(makes me laugh out loud!!!)
7) First day of a two week holiday...
8) Tingles I get at the start of a live concert or show,
9) Snow
10)Walks with the dogs...

I'm sooo non high maintenance!!!!

Ok so, ever the optimist, always look on the bright side persoality, has certainly deserted me over the last two days...not sure if its hormonal or if the bad luck that has continually haunted me since I started my business has finally got to me. Final three events are a. that we are now into our third week of exceptionally unseasonal weather which means no customers, although main overheads remain the same, b. the rat problem continues and although poison everywhere the rats are becoming more brazen and undaunted by humans...not yet inside building.... but paranoid that customers will see them round our bins, c. mother tried to help but stresses me out more then states that I must be depressed as have put on a little weight recently...cheers mum, kick me when I/m down!

Couldn§t sleep last night and went through everything that has happened since we opened:
Just a short list...loads more!¨
Hubby and business partner walking out on me and kids a week after we had signed the 10 yr leas and just starting the building works...
Crap architect  failing to get building regs sign off and had to close a week after opening..
Fire regs insisting on loads of additional building work, again due to crap architect, additional cost of about 10k and had to close for a week,
Competitor setting up  3 miles from us within a year of us opening.  We had failed to get planning permission in that area after trying for 4 years...
Driest winters and hottest summers for years since we opened...
Extensive road works directly outside for over two months...then road was closed for over two weeks for repairs..so no access  to us from one direction.¨
Bookkeeper = sis in lawˇ= discovering she had made  a VAT error that went back to the date we opened, then VAT Inspector does a random inspection 2 weeks later and insists on repayment immediately.  8k to find during our quiet months...
Blah, blah......!!!!

So seriously considering selling up everything and moving to France

Finally sat down after a weekend of perpetual entertaining...glad I only invite family once or twice a year..my house is too small for everyone!!! I always go overboard too and spend far too much money..beans on toast the rest of the week..

Sleepover for eldest went well...no disasters and I managed to say sober on a Saturday night...blimey! In the end ten little ten yr old girls, in one very hot room finally went to sleep around 3am and awake again at 8...one mum seemed put out but hey..what does she expect..her dtr was the rudest and noisest!!

Twat of an ex obviously having difficult time at home as was foul all weekend..he insisted on coming to the show and sat through it looking bored, checking his watch and had no money on him to help with buying drinks etc..came back to mine later and accused me of obviously having PMT as I said I didn;t find it amusing when he bragged about his large garden in his new house when he always refused to move from the house I'm still in...with it's tinsy little garden...(due to the nightmares he said he would get if we moved!)Blah!

Anyway...luckily, eldest dtr had a great day..new Ipod..which I've spent downloading my cds onto, hoping she'll forget she's got it in a few weeks!! (is that cruel?ermm!)

Been chatting to someone on msn and neither of us know how we have each others contacts...strange.....

Lets hope next week is normal!!

Had to go and open business this morning, and as I got out of my car a huge, horrible, disgusting rat ran out from under our Biffa bin and into some grass..then ran back to the bins again....I bloody hate rats....I had to go and get a workman, with a large spade, to cover for me as I made a dash to open the door...he was as squeamish as me...so I didn't feel too girly and pathetic!

Last week we had noticed quite a few swarming around a bird table that our neighbours put their left over sandwiches on, we had asked them to remove it, which they did, and we informed our landlord on Friday...yet this morning we could see quite a lot in our neighbours yard...really bold and brazen...obviously looking for another source of nourishment. Bloody hell, if they get into my building..it will be disastrous!!! Kids, rats and parents do not go!

Anyway, dtrs birthday tomorrow so off to a show soon then 8 of her friends staying for a sleepover...yippee!

So I'm at home, sorting food etc, and get a call from work...a child has managed to get herself wedged between the bars of a small wooden playframe we have in our garden!! Parents busily sawing at the rungs to free her...fkg hell...what next? The equipment is all safety checked by ROSPA and the HSO..so ring the manufacturer to let him know and hope the child is not too distressed and that the parents are reasonable..another call to the HSO on Monday...We get on very well, following an earlier incident of a child getting his hand trapped in a ball canon for 3 hours on New Years Eve! Honestly..it's not me! The manufacturer admitted liability as he knew it had happened in the past, but didn't recall the machinery...lucky, lucky me!

I'm sure the day will improve!!

God, I'm rubbish at keeping this updated,although I do have the excuse of the Easter holidays and therefore routine has disappeared completely.
What a week!!
Crap for work as too warm and sunny so decided not to go in too often..minor benefits of your own business but downside is that income down by about 90%!!! If the weather in UK continues to be predominantly warm and sunny then may have to reconsider my future..but new idea already forming...watch this space.
Easter Weekend spent with ever increasing family members at parents house...sixteen for lunch, plus four dogs..and plenty of booze to mellow us all enough to get on! Ex picked up kids from parents house next day, and he still seems somewhat surprised that my family are not overally welcoming!:

Monday evening me and children were invited to bar-b-que by recently separated male friend of mine, but ex brought children home too late so didn't go..let friend know and that children were with me...went to bed at 10ish, and next day,found 8 messages on phone fom him, wanting to see me, outside house etc. Totally not doing the rebound thing...!!

Took the children swimming on Tuesday...all kids excellent swimmers, yet when we went to pay, youngest, who's 8 was asked to do a swim test. If she failed, she would have to get out. Test involved juming in deep end and then swimming two lengths of Olympic size swimming pool. We realised that there was no system between receptionist telling us this, and life guard who assessed this...so ignored it...and what a surprise...got away with it. This test seemed more dangerous then what the kids were there for..ie messing around in the shallow end!

Tuesday night headed to town with girlfriend and bumped into one of my first dates from last year...we saw each other erratically throughout last year, last time just before Christmas, but for some reason we were both unable to sustain a relationship...I thought he couldn't deal with the whole single mother thing...and he,totally convinced that I would get back with ex. Bizarre thing is, we get on so well, always been honest regarding other dates etc, can talk for ever, fancy each other, yet, ermmm, well, difficult to explain...too complicated maybe?

Thursday went to Brighton on the bus with friends and children...great day, very relaxed...then, last bus home from Brighton, discovered it terminated at Uckfield...45minutes away from home! About 30 passengers all in the same situation...we really should have hijacked the bus...but typical English.. accepted this! Luckily, we were able to get 8 seater taxi home (just £40!) others were getting train to London Bridge, then back again...how could we have all read the timetable wrong! Typical UK public transport...publish timetables which aren't relevant...

Ok, I didn't finish previous story...
Feeling sorry, for no apparent reason, for ex neighbour, even though I'm lusting after other guy. Making arrangements with dishy one about meeting up again, see ex neighbour and for some unknown reason, arrange to share taxi home, so leave...without finalising next night or taking telephone no.of lovely one...I just leave! Why????
So end up, with ex neighbour, in cab, on the way back to my house. He comes in, overstays his welcome, and finally leaves about 4am...Luckily manange to avoid any unsettling situations(!)although he makes several attempts...so, once again, I realise wha a vunerable position I've put myself in, and got away with it.
Could be another year since I see the lovely one...but, hey, what will be will be...timing may be out, who knows!

Out Thursday night...it's been ages as I soooo haven't been bothered,but finally I'm emerging from my self imposed hibernation. Started off in my favourite bar, where the majority of the customers seem to be dodgy blokes in groups, all looking eerily similar, like it as good music, nice atmosphere and usually always bump into someone I know.Karoke tonight! Managed to stay for about an hour but so packed that we ruled out singing! (also, everyone seemed to be really good, and...I sound like a bull frog..but think i'm a fantastic singer after a few drinks..

Off to Polish bar..., lit up like a Wimpy bar, table footie in back room and full of grumpy looking men, sitting at the bar, chain smoking. We move downstairs to discover more karaoke!!! Spot an ex neighour of mine...can't miss him, he's singing an Elton John no. He split from his wife last year, got the blame...until a new man moved in with her in a matter of weeks! OOerrr, you never know what goes on behind closed doors!

Drinks are flowing, sambuka shots, Polish vodka etc and pretty soon we're all hammered.. cheap date Emily, has one too many, so is carried home.. . So then there were three. Ex neighbour, Phil, comes over to chat, then, we're swept off with him and friends to a house nearby. Decide on club and just Phil tags along...he's good fun but should have discouraged him. I'm crap when I've had a drink, wanting everyone to have as much fun as I'm having, without realising that my exuberance could be misconstrued as interest in someone.

20 minutes queing to get in yet it's not overly packed. Management do this so they can charge more, as we are so grateful to get in that we'll pay whatever they suggest. Bah

Then..bloody hell!!I see a guy I last saw a year ago..and, well, at the time I was rediscovering my sexuality following my split,he'd just split from his girlfriend so we helped each other out! He comes over to us and chats, and after checking out who Phil is, he's quite touchy feely which I don't discourage (not seedy just nice!) His brother is very taken with my married friend, who is flirting outrageously. Phil has been hovering around then says he's off home. I'm relieved, since we'd got to the club I finally realised that Phils intentions with me are a little different from mine as he's so not my type! Yet, I feel bad ...why,why,why?

Classic!
Had a visit from a BT employee today at work. We've been asked to remove a small sign (A4) from the telegraph pole outside our building. We have 28 days to do so or they will remove it and charge us to cover the cost of the risk assessment they will have to do in order to satisfy the health and safety regulations! Its pinned on with drawing pins....!!!
Hurrah for this country....