alicekate

I worked Corporate Customer Services for years,
Endured the clients abuse, threats & tears,

But the complaints I now receive
Are overwhelmingly difficult to believe,
So let me take this time to tell,
How playcentre owners really do live in hell.

The best one yet has got to be,
When a man and his son came along for tea,
The chips he ordered, he said, were too hot,
Would burn the mouth of his little tot.
Advising him to let them cool,
He looked confused, the stupid fool.

A lady spent an hour or three,
Writing her complaint for us to see,
Advising us that ice cream was not ideal
Or suitable for children having a party meal.

A vindictive mother of a five year old child,
Made all the staff particularly wild.
Videoing her daughter as she encouraged her to leave,
Into our busy car park. It's hard to believe!
As a member of staff prevented this action,
The mother then attempted to justify her reaction.
Health & Safety, she had to inform,
That our premises are unsafe, outside the norm.
And then the true reason of her complaint became clear,
When the cheque for our services failed to clear.
Using her daughter to act as a sacrifical lamb,
To avoid paying our bill, she now has a life time ban.

The toilets smell. Well that's a nappy.
We'll empty the bin. Still not happy.

The coffees too strong or much too weak,
THere's water on the playframe, wee? or a leak?

I've stayed for my two hours and as I leave I'll complain,
It's too hot/cold,too busy. We couldn't remain.
I want a refund or a free go,
Fuck off you tightwad scrounger. No!

Your car park was full so I had to pay & display,
I want a discount, I refuse to pay.

In a world full of conflict and disasters millions suffer,
It's hard to take seriously these winging fathers & mothers.
At the end of the day, we all do our best,
Providing entertainment to give parents a rest.

These same individuals wouldn't dare to complain to the large leisure chains,
As they happily pay triple our prices. Never using their brains.

We're threatened with complaints to Health & Safety and the press,
It makes these unhappy bullies feel superiour, I guess.

Yet, seeing my once happy staff be bullied and suffer,
I really have ceased to try and bother.

After three years of insomnia and constant drama,
I'm selling up, need to regain my inner karma.

So my earlier post was emotionless and to the point regarding the cold feet text received today from a once very close and special friend.
What is causing me so much confusion regarding his admission is our history. This wasn't a meaningless encounter with a stranger, but a person who I have known and loved for the last two years.
We met when our mutual friend, Charlotte, was moving into her house. On a sticky and hot July afternoon in a house full of unpacked boxes and chaos, our mutual physical attraction towards each other was apparent from the second our eyes met. Yet our shyness prevented us from acting on it.
Three months later when we met again, he was involved with Sarah, a woman who had left her husband for him. As I got to know him and her as friends,he was now out of bounds due to his relationship, even though each time we met the attraction remained.
At Charlottes christmas party last year, he interrogated me regarding the casual relationship I was involved with, with another mutual friend Jamie, accusing me that I would hurt him and I shouldn't be sleeping with him. All in front of Sarah.
As the months continued, contact with him increased. He spent six weeks redoing my kitchen and painting the outside of my house in the spring. Sarah came along too as she let him support her financially and refused to get a proper job. And every now and again, he would send me a saucy text, expressing his desire for me.
Yet their relationship continued even though they would bicker continually,rarely went out and lived a solitary life. Any attempt from Charlotte to encourage Sarah to come out for a night was rejected.
Early September, he returned from working away to find that Sarah had left him, taking his furniture with her. Charlotte and myself attempted to support him through this time as his emotions ranged from shock and anger after all he had done for her.
A few weeks later, he sent me a text, confessing that he had wanted me from the moment he had seen me and that we should date. Surprised, yet pleased, I tried to let him know my feelings yet express caution, knowing it may have been too soon following his split to move on to me. And the suggested dates did not occur.
Then a couple of weeks later, Charlotte suddenly died. When I heard the news, the first person I thought of was him, and I rang him to break the news. Two days later he sent me a text to say he and Sarah wanted to come and spend the evening with me. Which they did. No mention of her return or her sudden departure was made. We all acted as if it had never happened.
As we waited for the funeral, Sarah remained living with him. Yet during that long fortnight before our final goodbyes, he and I finally confessed how we felt for each other. I accepted that Sarah was back for the funeral and they were not back together.
Finally, the day of the funeral arrived. Sarah looked dreadful, no makeup, hair scraped severly back from her face, lining of her skirt hanging down. The brief contact I had with him was watched intently by her, making me feel extremly uncomfortable.
He had suggested that he spent the evening with me that night, yet when it became apparent that she would be coming with him, I declined. How could I spend an evening with someone when I had spent the previous two weeks passionately texting her partner?
As the weeks following the funeral passed, Sarah remained with him, her car needed to be repaired and then he was afraid of her mental state and what she may do if he told her to leave. Blah!
And then things changed. Last Wednesday he came round to see me. As he was leaving he let slip that he had fallen in love with me. I told him that I loved him too. The same night, he told Sarah to leave. And the next day she did.
We spent the weekend together. Saturday night he told me that he wanted to marry me and loved me. Everything felt right, natural, perfect. He left late on Sunday.
And now? Just two days later, I get the cold feet message. After all this time of knowing each other so well, waiting for each other, knowing my set up, I'm in shock.

Hmmm... Any suggestions as to how to respond to that text after patiently waiting neally two years to 'get it on' with that person?

This time last week he was declaring how he had fallen in love with me months ago. At the weekend, when we had finally spent the night together, he told me how he would marry me one day.

Three days later...I get the above!

My response?

"You and me both. Lets just put it down to experience. Ps, thank f**k I didn't shave my bits!"

Anyone who may have suffered my previous blogs will appreciate that I haven't had an easy life recently. Sorry, and I hope I haven't caused any suicides or manic depressive episodes.
After reading an article about a fella in USA (where else) who has introduced a non complaining policy for 21 days, I have decided to get my complaints out of my system before joining his cult...hmm, sorry, lifestyle!
Therefore, the following are my complaints...guaranteed....
1. I am always the last one in a queue.
2. My mother/sister always visit me when I am hungover/tired/ill/house in a mess..and put it down to my assumed, dodgy lifestyle.
3. My landlord always rings me at work when I forget to put a silly voice on when I answer the phone.
4. Anyone in a 4 by 4 are stupid and can't drive..and are bloody well in my way!
5. Working with the general public, especially spoilt, rich, stay at home mums, is crap. Their brains have diminished to raisin size, leading to a total lack of reality or empathy for other human beings.
6. Traffic wardens should be rounded up and pushed off Beachy Head.
7. Ditto,VAt Inspectors, Town Councillors, thieving bastard accountants and the biased BBC management.
8. All reality 'celebrities' should be placed in stocks, pelted with custard, their earnings donated to hospices before being returned back to their untalented normal lifes and to work for their money.
9. The management of the hospitals where patients died of C-difficile should be charged with manslaughter.
10. All children should be able to read when they leave school.
11.Pointless "university courses" should be replaced with useful employment skills and trades.
12. Stop this nanny state!
13. Outlaw Ambulance chasing insurance firms
14. And, for gods sake...let us enjoy life without guilt, with the teeny portion of income we have left each month.

That over, I now cannot complain about anything for 21 days...at the end, I should feel positive, happy and peaceful....
Hmmm....love a challenge!

To make our government realise that all children in full time education must learn to read!
How can a once civilised country fail so many?
And how do these non readers fill in their dole forms, see whats on sky and set up their playstations?
Bizzare....

Reasons for not writing recently/
a) Started to write a novel,
b) Summer hols, the Oct hols.
c) Exhaustion!
d) Death of best friend.
e) Divorce proceedings.
f) Trying to keep buisness viable,
g) Single mum to two children
h) Family fall out
i) 11 plus selection process
j) New relationship
k) Going out more
l) Renovating house
j) Ex still a twat.

Need any more?

Surprisingly...life continues..and still, I continue to function.
The problems I have previously written about were tiny spots of raindrops compared to recent events, yet my day to day routine remains unchanged. I smile at neighbours, other parents at school, customers and staff. All unaware of my pain and loss.
My children rarely see my anguish. Yet any glimmer of anxiety or tears that I may, unavoidable shed near them, are quickly ignored ,the reason for my emotion, such as a song on the radio, a film or a conversation of a past event is swiftly reacted to, their intention to kindly reduce my sadness yet, by doing do, selfishly preventing their pain at seeing their mother - me - suffering.
To loose a beloved, close and supportive friend, so suddenly and at such a young life, at 39, has pros and cons. Odd but true.
Pros then first.
a) Her 14 and 10 year old children outwardly appear to be coping. A cloak of self presevation has decended over them, instinctively knowing where to aim within their family to obtain the love, emotion but also financial support to continue to provide the that their mother had always organised and paid for. Using all the combinations, they know they will be supported in each area but from numerous other family/friend members
b) That death is no longer something to be feared. Standing in the perfectly peaceful cemetry, I almost envied the serenity of death. Calm.
c) Since her death, I have sensed unusual events. Waking up during the night at times such as 2.22, 3.33.4.44, for example,. To me, a sign she was there.
d) Decisions that felt right, were right. Last time I saw her, just two days before she died, I was initially tempted to ask her to go with my children on her own to a school fair. Yet pulled myself together enough to go. Same day, my kids were meant to go off to a drama group, but as we were all having a great time wih her and her child, decided to stay for a lovely afternoon in a pub.
e) That she lived her life with risk. Made the most of every opportunity...

And the cons...
a)She's no longer around for the positive feed back, the reminders of the good things, not just the crap...I've now lost her optimisum and support that kept me going, and hopefully how I kept her going too.
b) The laughs we had. Genuinely, never vindictive.
c) Missing that person that you clicked with in every way....abruptly gone without saying goodbye.
d) Finding a friend who was so easy to be yourself with. Happy to play scrabble or do crossword puzzles on a weekend night, yet knowing that if you went out, you;d still have fun.

Tonight, I have her dtr staying with me. She's coping so well even though she was with her mother when she died. At ten. She dosen't want aympathy just acknoledgement that she is still the same person she always was.

After 37 years of enduring the bullying, jealousy and underlying hostility of my sister, she has finally achieved her long standing ambition, to destroy my relationship with my parents.

So the background....Evil Sister (ES) was nicknamed Thunder Cloud when we were children due to her quick temper and mood swings. She has always had the ability to create an uncomfortable atmosphere if things aren't going her way, so as a family of four children and busy, working parents it became the norm to give into her, for a quiet life.

At the age of 41, she, her two children and alcoholic husband continue to live with and be financially supported by my parents, as they have done for the last seven years. The money they earn isn't saved, they have no furniture, expensive gadgets or jewellery, they rarely go on holiday, they drive a car that cost them a grand, shop for clothes in budget shops, have no savings, yet they always have money for the pub and cigarettes.

Until a few weeks ago, ES was working for me, a temporary offer that continued for over a year, she was earning a very generous salary but was only occasionally contributing to the household bills. She walked out of work following a petty argument with another member of staff, a luxury few of us can do without another job lined up, due to our financial commitments. And four weeks later she's a lady of leisure, lie-ins, afternoon baths and day time tv, watching the clock to ensure she looks busy when my seventy year old mother or seventy three year old father return from their full time jobs. She knows they won't dare to ask her when she's going to look for a job, she's waiting for one to be handed to her. She knows they will bail her out to pay for her sons new grammer school uniform, and that they won't ask for her to pay them back. She always gets round them.

Until recently, I used to pity her. Underneath the bullying and snide remarks she is timid, lacking in confidence, frightened of driving somewhere new, intimidated by answering the phone or going to an interview and desperately,desperately unhappy. I pitied her lack of close friends that she could confide in over a cup of tea, instead of talking crap when pissed in the pub and becoming embarrasing and dull with a ten minute best friend. But no more.

I have endured a life time of her resentment, her justification to herself that I've only achieved what I have because of the help I have had from the family. That somehow I have had all the luck without considering the fact that I didn't go the pub every night. That I had more from our parents then she did when we were growing up...I've heard how she bragged to my staff that she could run the business better then me, that it would fail if she wasn't there and trying to encourage other staff to criticise me and my deputy when we were doing office work.

So her final act that has shattered our family?

We have chosen to avoid discussing problems with ES or critising her or her lifestyle because we have become frightened of her reaction and how long the cool atmosphere would continue for. When ES feels she is under attack by anyone questioning something she has done or not agreeing with her opinions, she retaliates by picking on your weaknesses, invading your personal space and becoming very aggressive forcing you to back down.

At a family party, a friend was advising ES to stop drinking red wine as he had seen how volatile she becomes after the sixth glass and he jokingly said he would go home if she had the next glass. I joined in, saying I would get her some vodka as it doesn't have the same effect, hoping to avoid an outburst that we had witnessed the night before and which she couldn't remember. Suddenly, the sixth glass was no longer necessary, she staggered up from her chair, looked at me and shouted 'You're a drug addict, and I hate you!'

Out of ten...at the mo I'm on an 8 on the happiness chart....

Just felt compelled to write that down!!!

Just speht the last four hours going through photos with Lucy (the au pair) to make a collage to brighten up my very white kitchen ....

Lots of happy family scenes, sunny holidays, first day of term, Christmas, weddings etc...the majority of events occuring during my ex hubbys constant pinging between me and his other woman,a situation I was very much aware of for many years. Yet no one would guess at the drama and heartache I was going through by looking at these photos as I tried to protect my children from our unhappiness.

It's been quite a while since I even dwelt on what may have been occuring in the background of these memories, I just saw my childrens smiling faces and ooooeeeddd and ahhed at how much they've grown and how lucky they've been with holidays abroad, days out and over indulgent birthday parties. No regrets or pain for what if's...or wishing we were still a family...

Then, I across one particular photo which floored me...my eldest daughter, just turned 3, sitting on my kitchen table, looking cute in dungarees and a sun hat, surrounded by Easter Eggs, and looking utterly miserable. And I realised that this was the second day that her Daddy hadn't been at home...and mummy couldn't tell her when he would be back....totally heartbreaking.....

A momentary flinch of pain for her sadness and confusion....

..and then...

....in a split second...

....it was gone...x